I’m busy, and I know that is not just unique to me, because everyone is busy and everyone has different things going on in their lives. But if this is a taste of the rest of my life to come, I think I’m going to have to get stronger and tougher, because right now if I think any further than 24 hours in the future about what I need to do and my schedule, I start to get a very anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Now, it really is only 2 weeks into my new schedule that includes juggling a part-time Masters, working about 25 hours a week, socializing, and having time to myself. So I am optimistic that I will get better at handling it all, and the overwhelming feeling will dissipate. But I can’t help thinking to myself, am I taking on too much? Do I have too much going on? What can I do to make myself feel better?
I can’t give up working, and actually I still want to work more. I want to be able to afford to move out of my parents home and support myself. I want to regain the feeling of independence that I have lost since moving back in with my parents. Now, I love my parents and my parents do so much for more – probably more than I deserve but it is always hard to go home again after being away. I look forward to the day that i can get my own place, so that I can decorate and furnish it as I want, come and go as I please, and ultimately have control over the property. I am very grateful for all that my parents provide for me, and how they have adjusted to having an adult child living with them (My mom has gotten very good at not asking too many questions, and I know she’ll read this, so Mom you are doing great!). But that will never stop me from wanting to be out in the world on my own. So, because of the importance of making money and all that it can provide for a person, I can’t give up working.
I won’t give up school, because even though I have had a moment of “Why am I going back to school again?”, I know that ultimately it will lead me into a career field that I want to be in, and that will be worth all of the time and energy I put into accomplishing this goal. However, I do have to let go of the idea that going back to school will give me new social opportunities and allow me to get involved, because honestly I don’t have much time for new friendships, or to do extra curricular opportunities. I can however meet people in class, so that I have developed relationships so I don’t have to sit alone and we can discuss class work, or do school projects together.
I also have the most amazing friends who I wouldn’t trade for anyone in the world. Denise, Rebecca, Christine, Kelly, Helen, Erika – you are ladies that I always want to have in my life. I just wish we were all in the same city so that we could hang out more and things didn’t have to be planned so far in advance. But it is what it is, and what I have learned is that no matter where any of us go or what any of us do, the friendships I have with you will last. ❤
Gail, there are many days that would be less wonderful if it were not for you. I’m so grateful to have you in my life, you are my number one fan, and it’s reassuring to know that you will always have my back. Our friendship is special, and not everyone gets it. When I try to explain it to outsiders, it often takes them a while to understand. I mean how do you explain the fact that we have similar brains and that we just “get” each other? Simply stated, you are someone I admire, and someone who I feel admires me. You make me want to be even more amazing than I already am. Plus, you make me laugh, you listen, you advise, and at any moment you can break out into song – just like me!
I’ve also started dating someone, and I’m not ready to open up that can of worms too much, but he’s someone that I want to get to know and to spend time with, so I will make time for that. He’s busy too working on his PhD and trying to accomplish his own goals, so we can relate on that level and spending time with him does allow me to relax and unwind, so I want to foster that relationship to see what it could be. I know he’s reading this too, so I’m gonna leave this topic here and hope that I haven’t totally freaked him out…lol.
I can’t give up time to myself, because Katie time is very important to me, as is personal time to anyone. I love to read, watch tv, blog, investigate new music, and just relax. I just feel in the past 2 weeks there hasn’t been as much time for that so I’m slowly starting to go crazy but I guess that’s also adult life. It’s not going to chance once I start working full time in my career and/or when I’m married, or raising children. So I think I’m just gonna have to get used to not having so much time to myself, and figure out how to make 15 minutes alone give me the same relaxing, wonderful feeling that a couple hours used to give.
I know I’ve said this before, but ultimately it’s about finding a way to juggle everything and keep all the balls in the air – to find a balance with all of the aspects of my life. Right now, I’m not too sure how well it’s going, but I hope I figure it all out soon. Because there is nothing in my life that I want to give up.
So, if there is anyone out there who reads this who has advice on how to keep it all going, I welcome it. To those who are close to me, please just be patient with me as I will always do the best I can to spend time with everyone, do what I promise to do, and be everywhere that I need to be.
Not far in the back of my mind is how amazing my life truly is, and how lucky I am, because it really could be much, much, worse. So, on that note, I leave you all with this.